23. Full-time psychology post-grad student. Part-time writer. https://ko-fi.com/jyotimeena

A 4-step writing process that helps me calm my insecurities in my relationships

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I discovered that my adult attachment style fell in the category of anxious-preoccupied in therapy. As my therapist rambled on about the attachment styles and their formation in the early years of childhood, I zoned out. After several failed relationships and deep-set insecurities, I finally knew what was making everything go all wrong. I knew the name of the monster that had my life under control.

I dived deep into my psychology books and the world wide web and found an article by Psychology Today, that summed up my relationship patterns perfectly.

“Unlike securely attached couples, people with an anxious attachment tend to be desperate to form a fantasy bond. Instead of feeling real love or trust toward their partner, they often feel emotional hunger. They’re frequently looking to their partner to rescue or complete them. Although they’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner, they take actions that push their partner away.” …

The 3 lessons from my October experiment

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October was my third full month on Medium.

However, I would like to call it my first because it was the first time I actually wrote and published seriously. In August, I published more, however, most of the stuff was articles lying around on my hard drive since last year.

I did not actually write for Medium specifically.

I did not feel like a writer. Therefore I decided to give my all for this month.

I started October with 5 goals:

  • Publish 13–15 articles in different publications.
  • Try to get into big publications.
  • Write every day.
  • Raise followers by 30–40.
  • Earn in double digits.

This is how it went:

  • Published 16 articles. …

These would barely take up any time in your routine

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I did not start appreciating the importance of a good night routine until lockdown began and my mind started spiraling out of control.

I began to spend more time on my mobile, just scrolling on social media to escape quarantine anxiety. Instead of using healthy methods of coping, I turned to snacking, sleeping, and electronic gadgets to comfort me.

This went on for a couple of months. It was not until my online classes started in July and I felt a need to get into a routine that I decided to bring a sense of stability in my life.

I targeted the night routine because it's the time of the day when my parents have gone to sleep and I am all alone with my thoughts. While I really enjoy the solitude, sometimes I just feel a sense of purposelessness in life. …

And how you can apply them in your life

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I have been attending online classes since July 2020. The heartwrenching possibility is that the online mode would continue to go on till April 2021 when I will be done with my Master’s program.

The grief of losing my last year of college fun, combined with the anxiety stemming from being unable to attend the class in person and losing out on a lot of learning opportunities has turned the online classes to be no less than a terrible experience.

Adding to this, it has robbed away the possibility of living in a new city and exploring new places.

Unfortunately, I am not the only one who is suffering. …

#1: Use photos with less than a million views.

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Zulie Rane was the first top Medium writer I followed.

I saw her in the famous Shelby Church’s Medium video where there was something about her that really struck a chord with me.

A few months later when I decided to hop on the platform and was looking for Youtube videos for the same, I came across her channel and immediately clicked on the subscribe button.

Since then I have attended several of her ‘Live write with me’ sessions where she sits down once a week and takes her live audience through her process of writing and editing a Medium article. …

From someone who writes on both websites and earns.

Screenshot by the author

I started writing on Medium in August 2020. Initially, I did not know that you could earn money from that. However, as soon as I did, I joined the Meidum partner program and started earning cents for my articles.

Since then, I have earned around 600$ just from writing on the website. The major chunk of the money has come from a commissioned piece I did for a publication.

Coming to Vocal, I discovered this website 2 months ago. Since then I have been cross-posting my articles from Medium on Vocal.

While I have earned less than a dollar from the reads, however, I have able to get 12$ from the tips. My article talking about Coffee Naps was chosen as a staff picked and shared on the socials and the front page. …

Why benevolent sexism hurts as much as hostile sexism does

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Sexism is such a significant issue that even Europe’s leading human rights organization, the Council of Europe had to come together to give a universal definition for the term. The organization has officially recognized that sexism is “widespread and prevalent in all sectors and all societies.”

They have defined sexism as “any act, gesture, visual representation, spoken or written words, practice, or behavior based upon the idea that a person or a group of persons is inferior because of their sex, which occurs in the public or private sphere, whether online or offline.”

Adding on to this, social psychologists Peter Glick and Susan Fiske have further come up with two sub-categories of sexism.

#2: They share their personal stories with you

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Recently I wrote an article about my experience with a toxic therapist. She was my first ever therapist. The first shocking thing she did was to pick up her mobile phone while I was in a vulnerable state and crying my eyes out. She was also dismissive and authoritarian about goal setting for the upcoming sessions.

Luckily, I was able to spot the warning signs in the first session itself. Since she was a college counselor who was being provided for free by the counseling center, I stopped visiting her afterward.

Sometime later, in my conversation with my one of my classmates, she told me that she visited the same counselor for a few months before she even realized that the counselor was engaging in several unethical behaviors. …

The 3 step process that would help you polish your writing piece

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I have been a proponent of the Socratic questioning since I discovered the concept while studying CBT or Cognitive Behavior Therapy in my psychology classes. The Socratic questions are considered to be the pillars of the CBT technique. As the name suggests, it involves creating a dialogue with the client with the aim of making the client aware of the irrational beliefs that they might be holding onto. …

I have been writing on Medium since August 2020. However, it was only in October of the year when I actually started focusing on the website.

#1: How These 8 Techniques Help Me Manage My Panic Attacks — Better Humans

#2: Change Your Anxious Attachment Tendencies for Better Relationships — Better Humans

#3: 3 Signs That Your Therapist Is Actually Toxic For Your Mental Health — Invisible Illness

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